Aaaaaaaaand my life is boring again.

Thyroid is fine.  However, I just learned that the technical term for my enlarged thyroid is goiter.  GOITER.  I never knew what that was and it sounds like something that old people get, like gout and bunions.  A goiter.  Fuck me.

Everything is probably fine

Got my thyroid ultrasound today.  The tech said I probably have nothing to worry about and my doctor will contact me in a couple of days.  Exhale.

Just need to get something off my chest

It all started in December when I was getting checked out by my new (awesome) doctor.  "Your thyroid is a little on the bigger side," she said, hands on my neck, "We should get some bloodwork on that just in case.  It's probably nothing though."

Bloodwork came back perfectly normal, I got to crack an off-color joke on Twitter, and life went on.

So the other day I was back at the doctor's office and she was frowning at her computer before the procedure started.  "I was just looking back at these notes about your thyroid.  The bloodwork was normal but we should probably have this checked out with an ultrasound.  Just in case."  I agreed.  Better safe than sorry.  Safe from what?  I have no idea.

I didn't think much about it until I made the appointment at the radiology office today.  Safe from what?  What exactly do I need to be looking out for here?

So now I'm paranoid about thyroid cancer.  Great.

Thirtysomething

I haven’t been blogging much lately because I really haven’t had anything to blog about.  What's new, right?

I read other people’s blogs and I wonder what it would be like to have a much more interesting life.  If I were, say, a professional snowboarder who rescues kittens and fights crime in her free time instead of the IT 9-5er/wife/mother/Skyrim addict.  I mean, I don’t even have time to exercise, let alone plan a stakeout outside a den of kitten-nappers. 

I guess this introspection means it’s that time a year again – time for me to be another year older. 

More proof that I write this blog only for myself

I don't know what has been going on -- maybe it's the vast amounts of meat and cheese I've been stuffing into myself -- but I've been having some seriously awesome dreams lately.

Dream 1: Took a newfangled spaceship/rocket that was capable of faster-than-light travel to a populated Earth-like planet.  It was beautiful.  Evidently I was traveling there with a group of fishermen.  I remember actually feeling the acceleration of the spaceship and how lovely the ocean was on this planet.  There was this sort of lagoon with a huge dropoff but you could see all the way down to the bottom because the water was so clear.  Oh yeah, and I was flying.

Dream 2: Had access to a time traveling car a la Back To The Future only it didn't have to get up to 88 mph to work.  Was being chased around by some Biff-like bully and his toady and I had to run and try to hide in trees and behind bushes and houses because they were trying to run me over in their shitty 80s car.  Even though they were trying to kill me it was exhilarating and kind of fun.  I guess I like being chased.

Dream nn? - nn?: Tons of Elder Scrolls/Skyrim-related dreams.  I can has magicka!

One of the Many Times In Which I Feel Like A Horrible Parent

I have this doll.  She has a pink dress and blue string hair.  She has teardrop-shaped eyes and half of one has been rubbed off.  Her hands are clasped together around a flower.  There are several mildew stains on her dress now.  I got this doll in South Korea in 1987.

She has been living in our bedroom.  We don’t have much in the way of bedroom furniture yet and we still have a couple of unpacked boxes on the floor (and if it weren’t for Dragonborn being released last week I would have taken care of those yesterday) so sometimes she sits on top of our dresser and sometimes she gets knocked to the floor by the mountain of clothes that needs to be put away.

On Sunday Lily looked at me and said, “Thank you for the doll, Mama!”

I was confused.  We hadn’t been toy shopping recently and I had already given her all my old stuffed animals and some other toys from my youth.  “What doll, sweetie?”

“The doll with the blue hair.”

I got that feeling you get when you realize something is horribly wrong and all the hair stands up on the back of your neck.  “I didn’t give you that doll,” I frowned.

“Yes you did,” Lily said, her eyes wide and lip just starting to quiver.

“You did.  You were half asleep,” Husband said.

I have zero recollection of this.  We had taken a nap earlier that day.  I’m not one for talking in my sleep.  Usually I’m somewhat of a light sleeper.  Everything just felt weird and wrong at that moment.  So I had to tell my sweet little daughter who is almost four and has the biggest, saddest, bluest eyes ever that Mama did not mean to transfer ownership of the Korea Doll to her in her sleep.  And that was when Lily burst into tears and my heart broke into a million pieces.

One day I will give her that doll.  In the meantime we compromised by letting the doll live in Lily’s room on a high shelf with all her other special (breakable, easily lost) things.  But you can’t tell a four-year-old that some dolls are not for playing with.

I am not alone in my stupidity

Hey, remember the time I went temporarily insane and destroyed my finger with an immersion blender?

I am not alone.

All the cool kids are doing it, and by kids I mean literally children

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?

Moved across the country.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year?
Homie don't play that.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
For once, no.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, but some family members had a rough year in that respect.

5. What countries did you visit?
Ha!  Haha!

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Stability.

7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My memory doesn't handle numbers well, so I'll just say it was the moment Husband pulled up in Colorado in the moving truck.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
The move and my raise, obviously.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Same old same old.  Nothing sticks out too far.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Thankfully there were no week-long bouts of norovirus this year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Plane tickets to CO!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband, who cheerfully and enthusiastically goes along with my zany schemes of moving across the country.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Let's not talk about that.

14. Where did most of your money go?
THE MOVE.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
This is getting really easy.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Muse - Madness

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?  HAPPIER OH YOU HAVE NO IDEA
ii. thinner or fatter?  Fatter.  Boo.
iii. richer or poorer?  Richer!  Yay!
 
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Drink.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home with good food and good people.

21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
Yes, with some tall, dark, and handsome mountains.  I'm such a slut for the Continental Divide.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Uh... we watch Ow My Balls America's Funniest Videos a lot.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
All the old crazies are still around.

24. What was the best book you read?
The whole Wicked Years series by Gregory Maguire OH MY CATS I JUST DISCOVERED THERE IS A FOURTH BOOK OMG BLUGHBLAUGHFLPHTH

25. What was your greatest musical discovery of 2012?
Fun.  Wow, that's embarrassing.

26. What did you want and get?
A new state.  Feel free to interpret that any way you like.

27. What did you want and not get?
A reliable vehicle.  However, we're much better off than we were before.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Did The Avengers come out this year?  I usually don't see movies until they've made it onto Netflix Instant.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I honestly don't remember, and I turned 32.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I could have done with a nice camping trip in the mountains.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
"Still Wearing the Same Shirts I Wore Eight Years Ago"

32. What kept you sane?
Getting up in the morning and greeting the Rockies.  Not the baseball team.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Captain Paul Watson.  He dealt with some serious shit this year and is still out fucking with the whalers.  The Sea Shepherds are stronger than ever.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Marriage equality, women's rights, and marijuana legalization.  THESE ARE ALL COMMON SENSE ISSUES, PEOPLE.

35. Who did you miss?
I'm sure I missed a bunch of shows due to babysitting constraints.  Ha.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
My new circle of gaming nerds!  Yay!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:
If you are unhappy where you are, get off your ass and do something about it.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Booty booty booty booty rockin' everywhere."

Feasting and such

I am excited not only to have over a full week off of work next week, but to do some serious cooking.  Last year we did duck.  This year we're doing lamb.  Here's the tentative Christmas menu:

• Rosemary and Garlic Roast Leg of Lamb
• Oyster Dressing
• Garlic mashed potatoes
• Roasted sweet potatoes
• Brussels sprouts with garlic, bacon, and craisins
• Apple pie

Because garlic.

I'm also going to take a crack at homemade eggnog and maybe mulled wine.

We're not exactly on the ball this year for holiday decorations.  All of that stuff is still in our storage space but we're going to be cleaning that out this weekend so we don't have to keep paying $155 a month to store baby clothes and homebrew supplies.  So my week off will involve at least a day's worth of finding places to put everything.  Shouldn't be hard, considering we're swimming in closet space.

In other news, I found me a gaming group.  We are playing Pathfinder.  It's... complicated.  I have been rendered soft and puffy by my D&D 4e experience.

I am merry.  I am bright.

My brain is a dick

I invited five strangers from the Internet to come into my home tomorrow and play Pathfinder with me.  Barring any axe-murdery events, this will be the first -- and long overdue – real attempt at socializing in Denver.  Only took me four months.

It’s totally dorky but I started reading How to Win Friends and Influence People because yes, I really am that socially retarded.  I started reading a different book before this one but I got totally embarrassed because every chapter heading on my Nook was emblazoned with a giant “HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU IN 90 SECONDS OR LESS” logo and I generally only read in public and on the bus.  I’m doing pretty good at practicing the Art of Not Giving A Fuck but I’m not quite 100% there yet.  Not that I really want to get to the point where I’m reading Hustler on the bus in plain view or anything, but I just feel weird about self-help books in general.  Also, that particular book started going down a fluffy woo path pretty early.  I did get something out of the few pages I did read, which is the reiteration of the fact that I need to work on eye contact. 

I greatly dislike making eye contact.

I am nearly phobic about it.

It’s definitely a part of my greater social phobia, but my brain interprets people looking at me as, “THEY’RE JUDGING YOU. RIGHT NOW.  THEY’RE TOTALLY LAUGHING AT YOU.  LOOK.  THEY’RE POINTING AND LAUGHING.  GO ON, LOOK!  LOOK!”  And I’m all like, shut the fuck up, brain.  I’m not looking.  And my brain’s like, “THEY’RE LOOKING AT YOU AND LAUGHING WHILE YOU PASS – HERE, I’LL SHOW YOU IN YOUR PERIPHERAL VISION.”  And I’m like, my peripheral vision’s all blurry and you’re just making stuff up now and I’ll thank you to keep your hallucinatory imagery strictly in my dreams.

I resolved this morning to look at strangers in the eye and make note of their eye color.  Total eyes seen by me today: 0.

I panicked at a fast food restaurant today and ordered a drink when I didn’t want one because I for some reason couldn’t end the transaction.  Then I dropped my change on the ground.  Then I dropped a glove.  Ugh.

I really have been doing better socially, but today has not been my best day.