Vent

So I took a deep breath today and called my dad to ask him if he'd pay my car insurance for a few months until I get back on my feet. It's the same thing every time. The belittling, the guilt trips, me crying, yadda yadda. I worked out a huge rant meant for him that I'll never have the cojones to use. So I'm going to put it here and get it out of my system. I'll try to refrain from allcaps as much as possible. Ahem.

Yes, dad, I know how much of a loser I am. I dropped out of college, took an MCSE course and never went to work in the IT industry, and now I'm working in a mall kiosk. I'm a BIG FUCKING LOSER and I guess that means I need to get down on my knees and beg you for help. So here I am, I'm begging. You don't need to tell me how stupid or irresponsible or worthless I am, because I'm saying it right now. I KNOW. No amount of insults, no matter how much you try to hide them in your guilt trips, will ever, EVER come close to making me feel as bad as I make myself feel. I don't know when I'll be able to pay you back. I'm not fucking psychic and I don't plan my life around the unlikely event that I will a) win a large amount of cash or b) be handed a suitcase full of a large amount of cash that isn't connected with the Mafia. All I know is that I'm going to work hard to dig myself out of this hole I'm in and someday I'll be able to hand you a wad of bills and wipe myself clean of your condescension. But as of right now I'm still a BIG FUCKING LOSER.

Mood: fuming

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

Sen. Wellstone Killed in Minnesota Plane Crash

I have now entered the Twilight Zone.

GRRRR

I have come to the conclusion that everyone driving in the greater Twin Cities area has their left hand lodged firmly up their own asses, as NOBODY uses their turn signal.

Mood: angry

a ba-ba ba ba ba-ba ba-ba-ba

Paula Abdul was hot. She still is after all these years. Arsenio Hall, on the other hand, never was.

You know the connection. That's right. You big dork.

Mood: weird
Listening to: Straight Up

On the side of the road...

I have long been fascinated by medical anomalies. I loved the movie Freaks. I've spent hours poring over pictures and articles trying to understand what life (and death) is like for people "born different." To my glee I discovered that you can take those single shoes and gloves whose mates are long lost and donate them to help amputees and the like.

Contact:

Amputee Shoe and Glove Exchange
1635 Harwickshire Drive
Houston, TX 77077

National Odd Shoe Exchange
7102 N. 35th Ave., Suite 2
Phoenix, AZ 85051
(602) 841-6691

One Shoe Crew
86 Clavela Avenue
Sacramento, CA 95828-4647
(916) 364-7463

Mood: awake
Listening to: Dan snore

Bartering rocks.

And Blair at Xtension Generation rocks as well. Today she traded me some henna work for three hair extensions. Next week she's going to cut my hair and put some more extensions in for a Egyptian neckpiece. ROCK!

Mood: yay!
Listening to: Nelly Furtado - Turn Out The Lights

Stuff I wrote at work

I remember being teenager, though it wasn't so long ago, and I'm thankful I have the clarity to see how fucking moronic I was. I was one of those people just left of center. Sorta goth, sorta grunge, sorta hardcore, sorta plain. I was just slightly askew of my friends, who were quite "normal" by any standard. I had acquaintances of all types: quiet church-goers, theater dorks, band geeks, suicidal goths, stupid jocks, boy-crazy party girls. I pretended to be interested in a lot of things just like everybody else.
"Who's your favorite poet?"
"Poe!"
"Do you like the Doors?"
"Jim Morrison was a god!"

I started figuring things out around the middle of my first year of college. The ridiculousness of it all really sunk in and started almost making me sick. The fog began to lift. Now when I read things like Nietzsche and Jung it's not because I want to impress anybody or it makes me gother than thou, I genuinely hold interest in sociology and parapsychology. These days I'd hang out in graveyards to take electromagnetic readings of ghostly phenomenon, not to write poetry about the futility of life.

The fog is still lifting on a lot of subjects, but I think I'm starting to get the idea on this whole life thing.

Mood:
Watching: Tonight Show

Wheeeee! Retail.

Guys wearing too much patchouli: 1
Under-the-table propositions received: 1
Obnoxious children: 8
Guys obviously at the mall the pick up chicks: 7
Whitecollar yuppie nulear families: 16
Mullets: 0
Sad, lonely old men: 4
People who snuck up on my blind side: 3
Small girls with cowboy belt buckles: 1
People who called me "ma'am": 1

Daytime advertising

Damn you, National American University. Damn your annoying TV commercial.

I'm thinking about doing a webcomic. More accurately, I've been thinking about doing one for quite some time. I'm not sure if I'm quite prepared for the amount of hate mail and "u dont know how 2 drawr anime im more l33t than j00" bullshit. And I'm really not sure how well I'd be able to keep up with the drawing. I've got all sorts of scripts and backgrounds and ideas in a notebook already. So I don't know what I'm going to do. It's something that keeps me occupied at work right now.

Mood: tired, again
Listening to: TV, again

More strange Google searches ending here

doom gay
doom mood commodore

Today there was some sort of "most beautiful baby" pagent/contest at the mall. I had to listen to things like, "Zoe is ten pounds, five ounces and likes to play with her teddy bear. Her newest discovery is the size of her hands!"

Just kill me now.

At least, that's what I was thinking at the time. It got me thinking, what exactly are the judges' criteria for judging a baby? Amount of drool? Head floppiness?

Mood: confused
Listening to: TV

It's really creepy when someone says, "I know someone who looks just like you!" I can't really wrap my head around the fact that there's another pseudo-me wandering around out there.

Mood: too damn tired to write anything
Listening to: TV

Friday Five

1. How many TVs do you have in your home?
Two.

2. On average, how much TV do you watch in a week?
Five or six hours. Maybe.

3. Do you feel that television is bad for young children?
Depends on what and how much.

4. What TV shows do you absolutely HAVE to watch, and if you miss them, you're heartbroken?
None. Nothing. There are a few shows I'm ecstatic about if I do happen to catch them, like Digimon and ER.

5. If you had the power to create your own television network, what would your line-up look like?
Anime! Loony Toons! Anime! Loony Toons! Indy cartoons! Loony Toons!

Fun with Site Meter

People have reached this page via:
Google search for happy formica
Google search for o'melveny law fun

What color...

...should I dye my hair next? I think I'll stick with the bleach/Tiger Lily treatment.

Mood:
Listening to: Vivaldi - Four Seasons: Autumn

Kawaii!

Hey look, it's Jammin' Eddie!

NANTS inGONyama baGIthi baba!

Damn you, Ra! I had to go dig up my Lion King CD,

I finally found complete lyrics to Circle of Life. Kick ass.

Mood: nostalgic
Listening to: Lion King Soundtrack - Be Prepared

Another one for the "why didn't I think of that?" file

Police Banners

I'll never understand college kids.

Here's an idea of what the typical booth hawker hears at the typical Golden Gophers football game at the Metrodome:

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Or, alternately,

GO GOPHERS! WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Note to self: next time bring a bottle of water and snacks. And earplugs.

Seriously though, it felt good to be working again. I haven't been on my feet for 6.5 hours in a long time. Ouch. Gotta wear my knee brace on Saturday. I'm working at a mall kiosk then, and I imagine it won't be nearly as exciting as the Dome.

Whoo.

Whee!

I'm getting drunk on a very small amount of vodka because I haven't eaten anything all day. Really. I had a few bites of ramen at about 12:45 this afternoon. I'm not hungry. Those pills I'm taking must be working. Yay!

I should eat something.

Mood: tired
Listening to: Tori Amos

Here we go...

I'm working at the Metrodome tonight. I was hoping I'd be working a Twins game, but it seems they're in California tonight. Bah.

Mood: nervous
Listening to: nothing

The table is formica.

Weird! My old roommate from River Falls contacted me through my old LiveJournal. I haven't thought about her in a long time, and I feel kind of bad about that.

Paraphrased actual conversation:
PPC: I haven't talked to any of my college friends in a long time. It's weird. Jason and I used to be best friends.
Dan: Well, Jason's too busy being gay these days.
PPC: This is true.

I thought I saw Briana at the Social Distortion show, but I could have been mistaken. But Alissa -- it's been a long time.

Mood: shocked
Listening to: Grady whorking up a hairball

We're really in Uptown now

We said we weren't going to make any snap decisions on an apartment, but we decided to take the second one we looked at tonight. It's a fairly large 2 bedroom with a screened-in porch. They're probably going to redo the kitchen this winter, which is always good. Two bedrooms! Yay! I can have my office at last. :D

Mood: happy
Listening to: Nothing.

I've had a rough morning

But at least my spirits are up. I woke up a million times last night. I didn't sleep well at all. I kept thinking Dan was talking to me but I was in this weird half-conscious dreaming state. THAT was annoying. I got up at 6:00 because I was just up. Then I was sick. Really sick. I was in and out of the bathroom, drooling because I was nauseous, leaving horrible things in my wake. I think my stomach is bleeding again. The very thought of food still makes me sick.

Then when I was opening up a new bar of soap a piece flew up and landed in my eye. I got it out right away, but it stung like crazy and now I can't focus my eyes. But hey, at least I didn't cut myself shaving my legs for once.

My heartburn has been so bad today I had to break down and take an Aciphex. Hasn't kicked in yet. Stomach hurts. And I'm dizzy.

And yet, strangely, I'm in a good mood.

I called a bunch of apartments this morning and set up some appointments for the next two days. It's going to be a busy week. I start working on Wednesday. Yay! Maybe that's why I'm in such a fantastic mood.

I know I should go to the doctor soon, but I don't have any money. Yet. Wonder if I have an ulcer.

Mood:
Listening to:

No. Well...........no.

Exhibitionist Porno
What kind of porno would you star in?
brought to you by Quizilla

The most exhibitionist thing I would be willing to do would be to leave the blinds open just a little. Oh well, that's web quizzes for you.

Am I sad or what?

I'm going to sit here, drink myself happy, and listen to my Goofy Pop playlist. It's my Friday and I can do whatever I want. :P



Mood: silly
Listening to: Ricky Martin - Livin' La Vida Loca

Now that's just mean.

The Pop-Up Book of Phobias

More journal stalking joy

~ Past ~
First grade teacher's name: Mrs. Monson
Last word you said: Nice! (Little Monsters is going to be on TV tomorrow. :D)
Last song you sang: Probably a Bad Religion song

~ Present ~
What's in your CD player: Who Moved My Cheese?
What's under your bed?: Our mattress is sitting directly on the floor
What time did you wake up today?: My alarm went off a 9:00 but I didn't get out of bed until 12:30.

~ Future ~
Where do you want to go: Everywhere.
Where are you going to live: Probably in Minnesota.
How many kids do you want: 2. Maybe.
What kind of car will you have: Ford Ranger

~ Current ~
Current mood: Hopeful
Current music: Punk, alternative, hardcore
Current taste: Prime rib, medium
Current hair: Long, curly, changes colors frequently
Current clothes: Varies
Current annoyance: People who lack common sense
Current smell: Lilacs, Oui (purfume by Lancome)
Current longing: To be debt-free, to own a house
Current desktop picture: The City Could Not Stop
Current crush: Besides Dan? Edward Norton and Vin Diesel
Current time-wasting wish: Sit in bed and watch movies
Current hate: The lack of gay rights -- and human rights in general -- in the world today

~ You ~
What does your (nick)name mean: Guido - it's from Ren & Stimpy. A relic from 7th grade.
How old are you mentally (as in are you mature?): Somewhere between 10 and 40
Describe yourself in 5 words: Short, scattered, odd, duelistic, wanting
What are your worst qualities: I tend to take too much on, I'm horrible at making conversation, I'm too brutally honest.

~ Sleep ~
Do you dream at night?: Yes
Do you remember your dreams?: Usually when sex is involved
What time do you wake up on weekends?: Between 10 and 1
Do you sleep with one pillow or two?: Two

~ School ~
Did you like school?: Not at all.
Why/why not?: Kids are cruel.
Most hated subject?: Math
Did you have a fave teacher?: Probably, but I can't remember much of school.
Ever had a crush on a teacher?: There was this hot social studies teacher in high school, but I never had him.

~ Friends ~
Do you have heaps of friends?: More acquaintences than friends.
Do you have a best friend?: Yes.
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends?: I know more guys than girls.
Do you ever get annoyed at any friend?: Yes.
Have you ever lied to a friend?: Probably.
Have you ever stolen a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend?: Absolutely not.

~ Family ~
Do you like your parents?: Working on it.
Ever run away from home?: Not for more than a few hours.
Ever thought about it?: Yes.
Do you have any siblings?: One brother and one sister-in-law
Do you feel your parents spoil you?: Spoil me? No. Bail me out? Yes.
Do you not get along with any of your family?: No.
Do you go to big family get-togethers ever?: Always.

~ Morals ~
Have you ever been drunk?: Yes.
Taken drugs?: No.
Stolen?: I hope not.
Shoplifted?: No.
Gotten into a fight?: Yes. On the bus in elementary school.
Fist fight?: No.
Are you more innocent or guilty?: Innocent.
Have you ever had to look after someone who was a drug addict?: I dated two guys who used to be drug addicts.
Do you have an open or closed mind to other people's beliefs and feelings?: Wide open.

~ Music ~
What's your fave style of music?: Alternative of the 90's
Do you play an instrument?: I used to play the french horn, piano, and guitar. I might be able to play the french horn again.
Do you sing?: Yes. I guess.
What's your fave band?: Offspring
Name 3 CDs that you've bought in the last month: Why buy when there's MP3s?
Why did you buy them?: N/A

~ Personality ~
Are you funny or serious?: Funny
Logical thinker or lateral thinker?: Logical
Are you outgoing or shy?: Shy, but not painfully so.
Are you lazy or active?: Active
Have you ever been hyperactive?: No
Are you a naturally hyperactive person?: No

~ Looks ~
Are you happy with the way you look?: I guess.
What would you change?: My weight. And I'd like to get dred extensions.
Do you wear makeup regularly?: Rarely
Do you have a large wardrobe?: If you count the number of t-shirts.

~ Embarrassing moments ~
Your all time most embarrassing moment?: I have no idea.
Have you ever snorted a drink out your nose?: Probably.
Ever giggled like an idiot?: All the time.
Ever embarrassed yourself and pretended nothing happened: I hope not.
Ever tripped in front of someone you liked?: Probably.
Ever said something really stupid?: On a daily basis.
Ever fallen off a bed?: Yes.
Ever sleepwalked?: Once.
Ever sleep talked?: I've been told I mumble and moan a lot.

~ Memories ~
What's your best memory?: Being in Guam.
Worst?: My mother's death.
Do you have a good memory?: What was the question again?

Why do I live here? Oh, that's right.

I think I heard on the radio or TV some guy saying that Minnesota may have cold winters, but at least we don't have mudslides, hurricanes, or tropical storms. Yeah..... yeah! That's right!

I'm going to go huddle by my radiator now.

Mood: cold
Listening to: the news

I like the one about the Texan better.

World's funniest joke named

Gosh darn!

I've been trying to swear less. Swearing is a habit I picked up in college. I never, ever did before then. So when something bad happens I find myself thinking, "crikey!"

Crikey?

I don't even have cable. I don't watch the Crocodile Hunter. I don't even particularily like Australian accents.

Mood: tired
Listening to: Tori Amos - Raspberry Swirl

Aaaaaaaaa-ah!

I haven't been by Que Sera Sera in a while. I found my new favorite thing:

Viking Kittens!

Mood: indescribable
Listening to: Phil Collins - I Wish It Would Rain Down

What?

Somebody got to my page by a Google search on "digestive fun page."

Sounds like a party to me!

Mood: amused
Listening to: Phil Collins - I Don't Care Anymore

New link

Thanks, MorningStar!

Dodged that bullet.

I thought I was going to have to move in with my parents for a while there. But Dan, hero of my life and wind beneath my wings, got me a job at his company and I start next week. YAY!

Jules is going to try to get me a part time position at Apple Valley Medical Center as well, which would score some serious points when I'm ready to take a vet assisting job.

I don't have to pray for terminal illness anymore! Yay!

Mood: happy
Listening to: Sara McLachlan - Possession