I've had a past history of depression and mental illness. Thankfully I've moved past the horribleness of puberty and only very rarely get panic attacks these days. But I'm hypersensitive to anything that might be a red flag to a relapse or a signal that someone else might be falling into the abyss.
Ever since Lily was born I have been having a very hard time with stories about harm coming to babies and children. It's well beyond the usual oh-wow-that's-a-really-awful-news-story-please-pass-the-peas concern, but it's threatening to send me into a serious downward spiral. If a story involving a child comes on the news I will change the channel, remove myself from the room, or attempt to mentally check out. I hide Reddit links to the stories so I don't have to see them all day. I will click off a page if I see anything mentioning abused, dying, or dead kids. Even typing the words makes me lightheaded, shaky, and nauseous.
I had the misfortune of stumbling on the movie Trainspotting a few weeks ago while Husband was watching it on TV. I can't even describe the scene, but if you've seen the movie you know what I'm talking about.
(I'm going to throw up)
(I can barely type this now.)
It seems silly but I think I'm actually experiencing PTSD because of that scene. I get flashbacks that absolutely stop me in my tracks. I have to remember to breathe... it was a doll... it wasn't real... just a movie... it wasn't real...
I'm not joking. I'm at the point where I might explore therapy.
(I'm starting to cry. I need to stop)