Rollercoaster brain

I wonder more and more every day if I should go back to a psychiatrist and get medicated.  My OCD is pretty under control, my social anxiety is tolerable (no panic attacks in a long time now!), but I have clear periods of ups and downs.  When I’m up I’m a creative fountain spewing words and pictures and ideas in all directions, soaking up information like a sponge, and cooking like mad.  When I’m down, I am a misanthropic slug with a learning disorder.

I haven’t written here since March.  I haven’t worked on The Project since the end of February.  I managed to ooze out a creative writing exercise the other day outlining a backstory for one of my Skyrim characters but I haven’t fleshed it out yet.

I worry that, like in the past, medications would do less evening out and more bringing everything down to a dull monochrome.  I lost a good chunk of memory from my high school years and still have short term memory and word recall issues and if that actually got worse I honestly don’t know how I would function.  I mean, the other night I forgot the words for “sink” and “cutting board.”  This happens every day.

At least I’m losing weight, or at least I think I am because I have avoided the scale, and I didn’t have to manually squish my boobs into my jacket this morning.  I’m doing a (loose) low-carb keto-esque thing and it’s going pretty well.  I do miss fruit, however.  

Very soon in our future will be a new (old) car and a new (probably new) TV.  So that’s exciting.